What time was it? That YouTube retrospective on one of his favorite childhood video games had led him deep into the rabbit hole. Sam didn’t want to deal with anybody or anything today anyway. He didn’t want to deal with those yesterday either. Or even the day before.
It was 3:10pm. Ugh. “It’s the package I ordered this morning,” he thought to himself.
He didn’t even remember what he had bought. He couldn’t muster the energy to get up either. He felt groggy from the hypnosis the knock had dispelled.
He had 30 tabs open on his laptop when he heard a fist hammering on the front door. The roll of thunder resonated in the distant hallway; an outrageous sonic intrusion in this accursed cavern.
Sam was lonely. He had forgotten how to feel. He had forgotten how to be. He had forgotten the meaning of meaning itself. He had filled his life with small chores and insignificant rewards he consumed mindlessly. Everything was on a calendar. Everything was on a list.
When he couldn’t bare the confines of the routines he had barricaded himself in, he would just go off the tracks and spend hours doing a single thing. Or a thousand, scattered things. None of them were on the List. None of them were on the Calendar.
二古道 男が歩く 土の音
Entry 18. It’s really consuming me that I can’t tell if it’s night or day. They don’t let us go outside. So, sometimes, I just count seconds for a while. The most I did was 1257. I feel like a kid. I can’t do anything without asking permission. All the doors are locked. The food is shit. I’m fucking starving all the time. I think I’ll die here. I don’t belong in this hol3. The guy with the crazy look beat me up again yesterday when I was in the bathroom. I had to spend all my money on the stupid pen I’m using to write. I don’t get any visit. It’s not allowed here. Just a bunch of monsters in a cage that feed on the weak. It’s not real. It can’t be.
She was going to implode. The words on the screen of her phone, bearer of this terrible news, were sizzling; red hot like the rod farmers use to tattoo cattle. She stood motionless in the aisle of the supermarket until her gaze diverted slowly from the device. A patron who was after the box of whole wheat pasta just behind gave her a look that she was too absorbed to notice. A single tear rolled from her cheek. A voice echoed in her head. “I want to die.”
“What’s the point?” she blurted.
“Huh?” Tania was caught off guard. A few seconds passed in silence. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”
“What do you—Of course it matters! It matters to me!”
“Ok.”
She let an annoyed sigh. “That’s all you gonna say? ‘Ok?’”
Her friend finally looked up. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t want you to say anything. Just tell me what you think.”
“I told you. I don’t know.”
“Ugh. You’re not helpful.”
Tania raised her arms in a sarcastic shrug. “Sorry?”
The blade pierced the orc’s skin just like butter. Kryn’s plate armor glistened under the scorching sun as he pulled his sword back. He turned towards Sia. “You doing alright?” Another volley of arrows flew from her delicately-sculpted bow, decimating the band of green-skinned fighters charging her. Corpses were piling up several meters away. None of her victims had made it close enough to swing their bulky axe anywhere near her. She didn’t even care to dignify the paladin’s superfluous question with a look towards him or even a grunt. She was enjoying this bloodbath. Yet, her impeccable composure did not betray how she really felt about the massacre she had provoked.
He noticed her immediately among the dozens of people eating and drinking at the tables of this renowned establishment. She was examining the menu with attention. Her long frizzy black hair was as beautiful as ever. She had tied it in a generous chignon bun. Two long curls framed her fleshy cheeks perfectly. Behind her red glasses, Erwan saw the look of a person who was fully absorbed by the task at hand. There was something child-like about her. He put his hand on her naked shoulder. She jolted. A squeal of joy followed. Her face lit up with the wide, contagious smile he was so fond of.
There is no better prison than the mind. The world is open and wide but your mind chains you to your bed. No lock is necessary. The door in the distance is as heavy as the gates of an impregnable castle.
The brain juice is rarefied. Nothing comes out of this wasteland. Too many decades were spent running in circles. The dream boat crashed on the menacing rocks because the captain couldn’t read the map. He stayed in his cabin like a coward. An excellent shipwreck in this sea of nothingness.